1. In your previous blog, Apricot Tea, you talked about intimacy, self ideologies, and sexuality; however, on your current blog, you’re divulging deeper into these facets. Why are these subjects important to you?
They’re important to me because they challenge me. I enjoy speaking openly about things that most people tend to shy away from. It’s so easy to reveal the cutest, quirkiest parts about you: what you wear, how you do your hair, how adorable you’ve decorated your house — I realized that especially while blogging at Apricot Tea. But when it comes to the nitty-gritty things that create the inner workings of who we are, the struggles, the hard questions… it’s usually avoided; people don’t talk about these things. I feel that through my own candidness & sharing my soul, I can help others to live their own truths & reveal their struggles.
2. I appreciate, respect, and admire your honesty in your writings. What entry has been the most difficult to speak about? Have you ever been scared to open yourself up to the world in such a candid way?
My post where I speak about my sexual orientation was one of the most difficult thing I have ever written. It’s still very raw for me, as the story was recent & involved a lot of my emotions. Having to rehash those feelings & come face to face with them again was gut-wrenching. But it was also gratifying & a huge relief. I am the most satisfied when I am completely honest with myself & others.
3. You’re very vocal when it comes to subjects of erotic encounters concerning you and your husband. How vital do you consider intimate, erotic actions to be in a relationship?
Immensely vital! Without intimacy & open eroticism, your relationship isn’t quite whole. Sexuality & the expression of it is extremely important within ourselves; everything comes from it. I can’t imagine not being able to manifest it out in the open within my relationship. It would be like cutting off a part of my body.
4. Often, I find that women who are open about enjoying sex and place emphasis on having a healthy sex life are given derogatory labels. What are your thoughts concerning that double standard still being present in 2011? How did you come to being comfortable with your sexuality?
I think the double standard is hideous, but I’m happy to see that falling away slowly but surely. It seems that a lot of women these days are feeling empowered enough to express their sexuality without [much] shame; they understand that they are worthy of pleasure & should express it to the fullest. I like to think that Sex, Love & Liberation contributes to that kind of positive growth. I feel that every woman should know & realize how amazing & beautiful their sexual expression is.
As for me… I’m still learning to be comfortable within my own sexuality, be it with its expression & my orientation surrounding it. The whole process of self-discovery is ongoing; it never stops. As I learn more about myself, I grow more comfortable with my sexual/sensual side. SL&L has a lot to do with my own positive sexual growth.
5. From reading your blog, one can only assume that your sex life is amazing, LOL! What are some things that you enjoy doing in order to keep the “spark” going? Has there ever been a time when you were hesitant to try something new?
I love how people think that my sex life is amazing based on SL&L! That’s a great compliment. :]
I would like to say, though, that my relationship is just like everyone else’s, in that Jonathan & I still have our struggles with sex, & by that I mean we’re still getting to know each other & our desires. And through this exploration, we are learning so much. We’re never hesitant, per se; just eager. :]
One thing that I’ve really latched onto is not how many times Jonathan & I have sex per week, but how intimate we are with each other throughout the day. And intimacy can mean many things for us. It can mean cuddles on the couch, brisk fondles in the kitchen, random makeout sessions in the bathroom, long embraces before bed, etc. I feel that it’s so important to keep a high level of love & closeness throughout the day. Doing this regularly ensures that we’ll likely be getting frisky at some point during the week. And even if it doesn’t happen, being consistently close like that keeps us connected on a deeper level. We never want to fall into the rut of a “boring” kind of love, one where the highlight of the day is a quick & impersonal peck on the cheek.
6. I think the terms “sensual” and “sexual” are often confused, and many times, the confusion can cause problems while attempting to enjoy and encompass the totality of an intimate relationship. How do you define the two? Can you have one without the other?
I define ‘sensual’ as one’s moxie, one’s mojo. That je ne sais quoi that makes a person uniquely self-possessed, slightly sultry, & very, very in harmony with their own body. To be sensual is to be subtle, indirect, but still bold.
I define ‘sexual’ as an audacious way of expressing your sensual side; perhaps amping up the sensual in such a way that it produces arousal from others — be that physically, mentally, or emotionally. When you embody your sexual side, you are tantalizing, voluptuous, erotic.
My opinion is that you cannot have one without the other. Sensuality begets sexuality, & vice versa.
7. I read your posting “Conversations in the Bedroom: Lust,” and I must say…I loved it (hot, steamy, and authentic). Too often, I think the term “lust” is given such a bad reputation, and it makes people feel “dirty” due to its automatic negative connotation. From experience, how has lusting for your husband benefited your relationship? Can a person lust too much after someone?
Thank you! The word ‘lust’ does have a bad reputation. Immediately, when I think of the word Lust, I think of jezebels or harlots, which is awful & derogatory. Lust can & should be used as a tool within a relationship. It’s incredibly effective.
I’ve found that lusting after my husband has made a decent impact on our relationship. I can’t keep my hands off of him, which is an indicator for him that I find him enticing & attractive, & who doesn’t want that reminder? Drenching my mind with lust for him has helped me out a lot, too, considering I was raised with the misconception that over sexualizing yourself & your thoughts is a no-no, that it’s best to be a Good Girl. When I am lustful, I am forcing myself to throw away those fallacies & become one with my inner sex goddess.
Of course, everything should be done in moderation, & lust should be included in that.
***Note Bene: You can find more about Ev’Yan over at her blog “Sex, Love & Liberation.”