Making Babies & Building Memories, Part II

 

1)      I think your blog is wonderful and unique due to the fact that you’ve documented your pregnancy and your journey as a first time mom on your blog. Would you mind divulging more about yourself (i.e. where are you from, educational background, etc.) and why you decided to do the blog?
 
Thank you! I was raised in the Atlanta area, and moved to Arizona my last year of high school. I graduated a year early and went to BYU for collage. I studied broadcast journalism.
I decided to blog when I was looking for another creative outlet to express myself. I loved journaling but it’s fun writing a journal and getting feedback from others. I was surprised by the response from my blog before I was even pregnant, and have just kept it up.
 
2)      You’re in an interracial marriage with a beautiful, healthy baby girl. Were marriage and children always in your vision? How did you and your husband meet?
 
Marriage and children were definitely in my plans but not as soon as it happened. I met my husband when I was 18 and we were married just before my 19th birthday on a blind date at BYU. We waited five years to start having children, but we are still fairly young. 
 
3)      You’re a mom, wife, blogger, and employed. How do you manage to keep it all together and devote time to each of those facets of your life? Do you ever feel as though you’re not giving enough to yourself?
 
It’s definitely hard to keep it all together. There are days when I am freaking out and kicking myself for putting so much on my plate, but then there are days when I’m bored and looking for other opportunities to add to the situation. The bored days rarely happen now that I have my daughter, but I’m getting better at balancing more things. I definitely don’t take as much time to myself as I probably should, and because I work, when I do take time to myself I feel guilty. I sometimes feel like I have to be with her every moment I’m not at work, and while I love that, mommy needs a break sometimes too. 
 
4)      You’re a native and resident of Texas, and I’m a native and resident of Georgia. Although Texas is different than Georgia in certain ways, it’s still part of the south, and we both know the south still has its issues with race. How has being raised and living in the south formed your perception of race and interracial unions? Has your interracial marriage caused friction between you and your friends and/or family?
 
I’m from Georgia as well and I totally get it! It’s sad to think back to some of the things I heard and witnessed while growing up there. I had many white friends but not many who believed interracial dating was ok. Luckily, our families didn’t believe it was wrong and they supported my husband and my relationship. Our friends were  also very supportive.
 
5)      I think your daughter is adorable, and one of my favorite posts was the one titled “I Won’t Make Her Chose.” For me, it hit home because often we’re (and I’m including myself in this) quick to label a multi-racial person as being of one race, and it’s mostly due to going with the flow of society. Do you still often worry about how society will feel and/or treat your child(ren) in the future?
 
Thank you! Although I won’t make my daughter choose to identify herself as one race or the other, truth is, she may do that herself. And society may do that for her. But it doesn’t make it right. I want her to know who she truly is, and understand that wholeheartedly. Society tells me because I’m black I should act and talk a certain way, and people are shocked when I don’t fit into this stereotypical mold, but I don’t let that make me question who I am. I hope that the same will ring true for my children.
 
6)      The idea of your 365 Love Letters to your daughter is beautiful. I enjoy looking at the pictures and reading the messages (and I also sometimes apply them to myself, LOL). If you had to pick one love letter that you enjoy the most or that you feel would have the most impact on your daughter’s life, which one would it be and why?
 
My favorite off the top of my head is Day 99. It says how goals change but that’s ok. I have to remind myself of that sometimes as my career goals change while I delve more into becoming a good mother. It doesn’t make me a failure, it makes me brave.
 
7)      I come from a family of multiple siblings, and I would love to one day have more than one child. Do you and your husband plan on having more children. If so, is there anything you think you would do differently with your future children as far as parenting is concerned?
 
Oh we definitely want to have more. How many more, we’re not sure yet. I think it’ll be so different when we have another because I won’t have all of these questions about how life with change once you become a parent. I know how love this strong feels, I know how to raise a baby. I don’t think I’ll be as stressed out about little things next time around—Things like the birth, getting the nursery perfect, what type of baby products to use. Time goes by so fast I just want to enjoy every moment!

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5 thoughts on “Making Babies & Building Memories, Part II

  1. I went shopping with the kids on Saturday. A lady in line for the checkout behind us took an instant shine to the kids – in fact she asked could she have one. :lol: She asked if they were all mine. I said yes. She said, “They don’t look like you”. Funny about that! I said no, they look like their Dad.

    Mine aren’t biracial, but of course people tend to think they must be.

  2. I’d like to offer my two cents, respectfully, as the child of an interracial relationship (I am Brazilian).

    1) They are nothing new, at least the offspring of those relationships (or forced encounters) are not. Those from the south and the circa 1800s New York (“Five Points”) region know this. The United States is simply a Brazil in denial. My husband and I are are retracing his family tree and thankfully they have tons of archived pictures and census records of his family. ALL OVER the tree, the census records state “mulatto”. As that population increased, the US devised a new strategy to keep that population group from attaining the rights bestowed on non-blacks – they simply began to label them as “black”, as well. 99 percent of African-Americans are of mixed race ancestry. They are much like us in Brazil, they just don’t wear it as a badge of honor, especially considering that much of it was by forced rape of Black women.

    2) On the “I won’t make her choose” poem – the notion of race itself is a social construct devised by colonialism (both Arab and European) to justify slavery. Before then, the concept of race DID NOT EXIST. EVER. Because it is a social construct, social systems will label your child (or anyone else’s for that matter). You needn’t do so for your child’s “race” to be chosen for her. Her race will be whatever social norms deem it to be, and social norms still dictate that “one drop of (obvious) Black ancestry means you’re Black). That’s the way the concept of race works, even in Europe.

    You cannot say you want to play the game of race, but you want people to change the rules for you. Either abandon the game of race altogether (because it is a social construct), or accept the rules and play by them.

    I find it very disingenuous when parents say they’re forward thinking or progressive and therefore, “won’t make their child choose”. If you were truly forward thinking or progressive, you would not play the game of race at all.

    Our child has been told their ancestry (all of it) and they will know that in this world, this is how the game of race is played. And they will know that in this world, they will be seen as Black, regardless of their ancestry, and they will know that their African ancestry is not some Scarlett letter they must wear on their head, reject, or avoid – but an honor and a gift to be handled preciously.

    Either don’t play the game of race at all, or play by the rules and prepare your child for what’s to come (either way). If you do not, the world will. Trust that.

  3. Pingback: A New Addition « Integrated Memoirs

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